LOOSE TOOTH// LOST YOUTH

and so the other day i noticed that my nose was bleeding. i laughed quietly to myself on account of the time it took me to realize it was happening. i’m guessing that maybe the taste of it has become second nature; quickly clotting at the back of my throat, coagulating in my dry mouth. which at this point is merely a cave giving way to translucent teeth, hanging lethargically from my ever-receding gum line. the taste of copper; a million filthy pennies, melted down, red liquid lodged in the back of my throat. it wasn’t until it had already begun to trickle out from between my chapped lips that i knew it was happening again. and even then, i’m pretty sure i sat there for a few minutes and let the river run. falling from the bottom-most point of my chin and into the lap of my designer jeans. and i watched as the puddle deepened. i waited until the puddle was deeper than i am (which, to be honest, couldn’t have been too long,) before standing, and emptying the puddle, letting it drip down the insides of my thighs. i walked reluctantly to the bathroom, and faced the mirror, where i turned repeatedly, haphazardly, trying to find the best angle from which to admire my own face. i settle for the left side, and stare a little longer before realizing that its not just my nose thats bleeding. my lips have begun to fall apart as well. the skin on them hangs loose, shredded from the incessant picking fueled by reluctant oral fixation. i let them bleed as well. i let it fill the sink. and i wait. i wait for it to stop. but i know that it won’t. i settle for waiting until the flow has drained me of it all. but i know that it never will. i try to find a sense of comfort in my immortality. but i know that i can’t. forever is a long time. sixteen going on extinct. and i laugh at the thought of what youth can do to a person. i giggle at the sensation of the world beneath my feet. and i wait some more. 

[photo ©Becker 2011]