life and death. loving and caring. learning the mechanics of my body at midnight. living my life in a sea of strangers. i guess this is growing up. human interaction and a lack thereof. too much, too soon. a reluctant step into adulthood. the feeling that i’m missing something. that i wasn’t paying close enough attention. this is the diamond life.
it’s a sense of pressure that i can’t quite measure. it’s a suffering pain, a backyard stain. the pressure intensifies at the sight of blood.
you see, the diamond life is a series of events, a loose-linked chain that can break at any given moment.
my father asks if i know that he loves me. i tell him no. i let it go.
a crashing sound as he hits the ground. a hole in the head. bleeding out beneath city smog. the stars left years ago. and the screaming. screams of mother. screams of my neighbors. a foreign pain in my throat. the passing of wind through an eroded, overworked, and underpaid passageway as i scream at the understanding that i never really loved him at all.
my life is diamonds.
you see, life itself, is a series of events.
the loss of self esteem. the purging. the loss of a father. the drinking. the drugs and the hatred. the emptiness that follows. the pressure is growing.
day in. day out.
less is more. keeping score.
battle versus war. saint versus whore.
it is in the pain that we find our true selves.
it is under the most intense pressure that a diamond is created.
Shooting in the new line of shirts from Audrey Kitching’s Coco De Coeur today! As the face of the “wasted youth” i will be covering the entirety of the shoot today on twitter! Only at http://twitter.com/cocodecoeur