“chasing the sunrise. always. i won’t let anyone tell me that i’m not different, because i just fucking am. i count my chickens before they hatch, and i could have built rome in an hour. give me a chance to prove it to you. i was over the 2am father/son search parties before they started. and i’ll guilt-trip every liquor store owner in the tri-state area. the early bird gets the worm, but i wake up at the crack of noon, and miss the worm entirely. this is how we stay thin. broken like sticks, sharp. weeds in your mothers garden. uproot me, see if i care. i can move from place to place, because i’m still chasing that goddamned sunrise, because far from home is where i breathe the best. next to her is where i sleep the best. and i’d give up everything i’ve got to see the way that light attaches to the girl, when she smiles. that perfect smile. laugh hard on the outside, harder on the inside. because i’ve never been so happy. never really been happy. until now.”—
“me: thirty pounds underweight, burnt throat. you: broken, leaking cheap vodka and stale blood. last words: no. i used to write poetry, now i can’t explain a goddamned thing. the thing, being the feeling of dead weight. loose bones under cold skin, and a lack of knowledge for CPR. shut the fuck up. you can’t resuscitate a hole in the brain. empty head, bullet exits hastily, a comet of blood, metal, and every regret you’ve ever had. especially this one. this will stain the ground around us. you’ve left your child abuse in the grass, your drug use in the dirt. blood on my hands and the front of my jeans. windshield hands. this is you growing up. nothing will ever grow here. ever. again.”—
“grow up quick, not too quick.
quick enough to hear it pass you. smile heavy. youth is something earned, something learned, backseats of cars, and dead grass beneath dying stars. you’re never old enough, never young enough. and those monkey bars you used to reach for, now bruise your shoulders when you pass them. big black bruises like big black spiders, legs stretched out, smashed deep into shag carpet with a rolled up newspaper. its pages detailing the chronicles of missing children who never got the chance to grow up. to experience this blur of love and lust, and feeling infinite at 2 am on a Saturday night when everything is so fucking clear. maybe its a Sunday morning? we don’t need to know. we don’t go to church. Jesus loves you. Ask any drug dealer, any homeless man with a family he can’t feed. Ask any prostitute who came to this city as a young girl with Hollywood dreams. ask me. ask.me.”—
heavy steps, cold hands,
i’ve got these chills i can’t get rid of.
but.i think.i’ll leave.them there.
i stumble slowly to your side, blame it on those heavy feet.
but i do it so you know that i’m still there,
and because you fit so perfectly with me.
smile, heavy feet,
you’re the missing puzzle piece.
“Smile, look away. Quick, before you notice every flaw in my face and decide you’re through with me. Temptation to look again sets in. just to see your face. Make sure you’re still there, Exhaling smoke. laughing at these awkward tendencies. We’re healthy. And I look again. You’re still there. Smile, look away. Lather.Rinse.Repeat. My mood ring is the color of your eyes. When you’re not here, I look down. Smile, look away. Funny that I can love you from so far away. So funny. So healthy. You, girl.”—
“live like a wild animal.
take no prisoners,
and only breathe until it takes too much strength.
keep those plans until you meet her.
the girl with the paper skin and glass eyes.
the girl that’s going to mean everything.
she’ll tell you she loves you,
her voice hits you softly.
she’ll keep you up all night,
her heart is like coffee.
live like you’re dying.
take what you want,
fuck the rest.
wake up. ruin everything. sleep.
lather. rinse. repeat.
keep those plans until you meet her.
the girl that changes everything.”—